Embrace the splash!

There a four toilet cubicles near my office.

Four cubicles yes, but not four cubicles that I can actually use.

In the last eight weeks, at least one or two of the toilets has been out-of-order at all times.

It’s really annoying, but I put it down to working in an old building.

NO!

This is not the reason, well not the only reason.

This toilet break down, out-of-order phenomenon is not happening in the men’s toilets, and their pipes are as old as ours.

I have figured out the cause and it needs to be discussed.

Nesting!

Yep, you heard right.

The act, that pertains mainly to women, of padding the toilet bowl with copious amounts of toilet paper.

Why?

To eliminate any noise, any splash, any indication that something other than a wee is taking place.

God forbid we should need to poo, and strike us down if it should be at work.

Why ladies, why?

Your obsession with nesting and pretending that you don’t shit, is causing a major disruption in my office and ultimately a major disruption in my day.

Just let it go, bombs away, snap one off, lay cable, drop the kids off. Call it whatever you want, but just do it.

I spoke to a “friend” (yes it was me, but let’s go with friend) who was once involved in a 20 min stand-off with a lady in another cubicle. They both knew what the other was there for, but neither was going to give in, end it early and try again later. I’m proud of my “friend” and her staying power! That feeling of victory when you hear the other toilet flush is worth the wait.

** I am actually unable to nest or pad the toilet, due to growing up in a household where we were on rations when it came to toilet paper. I am still scared that my mum will appear if she hears me wasting that much toilet paper.

We need to empower ourselves and each other to take a crap without hesitation. Lose the fear of the cubicle.

Workplaces need to provide spray, ambient music should be playing and if they are really evolved, some of that smell eliminating spray. You know the one you spray in the water before you go?

This spray will not be of any use if you have what is commonly referred to as a “Whoopsy poo”.  You confidently walk in for a little twinkle, sit down, tear off your 3-4 squares and before you can clench or nest, you’ve made a bigger splash than an Olympic diver. Whoopsy!

You must now sit and listen to footsteps, toilet flushing and door openings to be able to tell when everyone that heard the splash has now left the bathroom.

There’s always that one person though who takes ages washing their hands, or carries dental floss in their pocket and decides to floss a molar or two, and they see you.

In the past you would’ve looked down at the ground, not making eye contact.

You would’ve grabbed your stomach or tried to look in pain.

Well not anymore!

From this day forward I want all women to unite, to stand tall and EMBRACE THE SPLASH!

Walk out with your head held high, make eye contact, a cheeky wink or nod lets her know you’re OK with what just went down. Literally!

If you’re having a particularly confident day, you might want to add;

“Phew, that feels better”.  *add a double thumbs up for effect

“More room for cake”.  *pat your tummy happily to emphasise your point

or a favourite of the men in my family;

“I don’t remember eating that!”     *using your thumb to point back over your shoulder towards the cubicle.

Have a bit of fun with it and enjoy people’s reactions.

The toilets at work are all in action as of 11 am today and I hope it stays that way.

Keep up your fibre intake and have a great day.

Lisa XX