The Lady with the Big Heart

There is a lady I know whose heart is so big that it sometimes causes her pain.

Not due to any enlarged heart, medical type illness, but because she is so sensitive, giving and open to the feelings of others that her heart sometimes goes into overload.

Over the past few years the ladies’ heart had endured many ups and downs.

The lady had found her place in the world. A place where she felt at home, had found a tribe she connected with and a job to do that left her feeling fulfilled. Her heart was full of happiness and a sense of belonging.  She genuinely loved others and they genuinely loved her back.

The heart knew the lady was happy because the sound of her laughter could fill a room and her connection with those around her was authentic. Some people even loved hearing her so much that they called her “The Voice!”

As life often does, it threw the lady a big curve ball. She had some very big decisions to make. The heart knew that the lady was struggling with these decisions because sometimes it hurt. When the lady was alone and thinking about what she needed to do for her family, little ripples of pain went through her.

Isn’t it unfair sometimes that when we make a decision that will give the best outcome to others, we lose something within ourselves?

The lady was amazing and she put on her happiest face and used her most convincing voice when she spoke to other people, but she couldn’t fool her heart.  The heart was feeling the lady shut down bit by bit.

The lady even started ignoring her heart when it started to feel broken and sad. She made big life changes and tried to see the positive in all situations. The more her heart tried to tell her something, the more the lady shut down and stopped listening.

The heart knew that things would get worse before they got better, so she hung in there and kept beating, knowing with all her might, that the lady would listen to her again one day.

The heart sat back and watched as the lady went through some really hard times. The lady had to step away from using her special gifts, because she knew she was not able to give her energy to others when she needed it all for herself.

The lady tried lots of different things to feel that same sense of connectedness that she had once known, but it was not the same.

The lady knew that something was missing but she didn’t know how to fill the void. She gave so much of herself to others. She welcomed little people into her home, but she knew this was not the answer.

As the lady started to listen to her intuition again, the heart started to feel more alive. The ripples of pain started to lessen and the ripples of happiness returned.

The lady tried again to give life to new beings, but this was not meant to be. The heart knew this was such a shame because the lady was a born nurturer. Maybe as she learnt to nurture herself more her life path would reveal itself.

The lady is braver than she will ever know, more loved than she can imagine and a source of strength to others. The impact she has had on others is immense and she will learn not to underestimate this.

The lady is healing at the moment from an operation, and her heart is healing too. They are both taking the time they need to reflect and ponder.

Never under-estimate the power of a good pondering session. Allow your mind to float gently back over the decisions and directions that have bought you to where you are today. Accept that you can not change anything that has happened in the past, forgive yourself for any situation you wish you would’ve handled differently and most importantly, know that you decide how the future looks.

The lady with the big heart is going to emerge healthier, more grounded and with a stronger sense of self than ever before. She will again listen to her heart and they will work together to be all they need to be.

The big hearted lady will learn to keep a bit of her heart for herself and she will not feel guilty about this. Her need to nurture herself will make her a better nurturer of others.

I love this big hearted lady and I would like nothing more than to be able to take her in my arms and squeeze the absolute shit out of her, but unfortunately I can’t at the moment. As life gets in the way, sometimes we don’t communicate as regularly as I would like, and I will make more effort to rectify this situation.

I want the lady and her big heart to know that they are loved, supported and being sent healing vibes from afar.

Lisa XX


My first bird is leaving the nest

I was reading back through my journal that I have been keeping since I had my children and it is entries like the one below that make me glad I have written consistently over the years.

Today has been a day for reflection.

My first born is moving out. I know as parents we joke about this day and the party we will have when it happens but in reality that’s not quite how it has felt today.

I am beyond proud and excited for her and I know she will be more than ok, but she will be more than ok without me.

I find in our busy lives we have little time for reflection.  With my journal I can reflect at any time and have a fantastic reference book of my own life’s experiences.

I look forward to being able to share these stories with my girls and then with their children. I know I would’ve loved a book filled with stories about me as I was growing up.

I fear that had I not kept this journal my memory would not have served me as well as I would have liked.  This is highlighted for me each week when I forget half of what I need at the supermarket.


Today Morgan lost her first tooth.

It has been loose for about a week and I can’t believe it lasted as long as it did. 

The tooth fairy has just taken it from the fairy box she had placed it in and replaced it with two dollars. 

Two dollars seems so trivial an amount to place in the box for her tooth.

How can you put a price on the love and growing up and joy we have given and received from her since that tooth first came at the age of 3 months.

The sleepless nights as it formed in her gums, the red cheeks and constant drooling as it decided when to appear and the gorgeous grin with the dot of white when it finally came through.

How has one small piece enamel really made me think about my time mothering and about how fast this precious time is going?

It has been such a big month for Morgan (Not to mention the emotional turmoil for me).

She is into the 3rd week of her orientation program for primary school and she absolutely loves it.  Just to see my first-born going off to school like a little girl ready to face the world makes me want to wrap her in cotton wool like her tooth and put her away for safe keeping.

She is a full head taller than the other kids and she is just so smart that I am proud and sad at the same time.

I am so proud of how she handles situations and how she reacts with the other kids.  I wonder some days if I was that sure of myself at that age, then I remember how painfully shy I was and I am glad of her confidence.

 I try to be supportive of her and yet I just want to protect her forever from the world and anyone who would dare do the wrong thing by her.  If she is at all as worried as me about going she hides it well. 

She is excited by all she is learning as she should be, yet she asked me why the other kids didn’t all talk to her.  I asked her had she made the effort to talk to them and she just looked at me and said no but they should talk to me.

Paige is really going to miss her big sister when she is at school and I think Morgan will miss her too.  She feels so grown up being able to tell Paige all about school. 

I am looking forward though to having some one on one time with Paige and giving her a chance to develop her own personality with out her big sister monitoring her every move.  She is so funny at the moment and we are having some interesting outfit choices as she wants to dress herself more often.

Nana is convinced she has no nice clothes and that everything in her wardrobe is mismatched, but that is just the way she likes it.  She told her kinder teacher she likes to dress like the rainbow.  Who wouldn’t?

I never for one minute thought that being a mother could fill me with so many conflicting emotions, I am so joyously proud and in love with my girls but, like a mother in the jungle should any predator try to get near my young and hurt them, I will tear them limb from limb.

Everything I wrote in 2000 still resonates with me today.

Do yourself a massive favor and keep a journal or just note things down over the years. You will never regret having these memories to look back on.

Go and take on the world my gorgeous girl.

Lisa XX


Endings and beginnings

Today feels like the end something and it’s not the weekend.

It feels like the end of a passage of time or the end of a process.

This ending had brought with it a blue kind of day that just felt a little flat and lacking in energy.

I’m not sad, merely tuning into the ebb and flow that I am feeling around me.

What I am focussing on, is that after each ending comes a new beginning.

I am excited to see what this new beginning brings with it.

I will be aware of any changes and on the lookout for any new opportunities.

As I end this day with sleep I am grateful for the chance to reflect, the chance to be present and the opportunity to see what the future brings.

Lisa X






Running out of time.

Time will tell.

The time is now.

What seems to be taking up a lot of my thoughts at the moment is “me time”.

It is a commodity that I spent years convinced I didn’t have enough of.

If only I had more time I’d be more organised, more accomplished in many things and much more relaxed.

I’ve very quickly transitioned from being time poor to having an abundance of time as my girls have grown and become more self sufficient and guess what?

I now waste time.

I know!!

It sounds ridiculous but I think it’s a good thing. By taking the time to just sit and ponder, I am giving myself the chance to find out what truly fills me with joy.

As I reflect, I realise, I was already doing the things that were on my to do list. I ran, I walked, I meditated and I danced with friends. I had managed to fit these things in to my busy life but it felt like I was constantly trading moments to make it work.

On a Monday I would check the diary, realise I had booked a training walk on Saturday, then the trading of time would start.

I would clean the toilets on Monday night (20 mins), bathrooms Tuesday (45 mins), floors Wednesday night (60 mins), cook 2 meals, 1 for freezer on Thursday (60 mins) and then came Friday.

By Friday I would be so overwhelmed by this self imposed time bank I had running in my head that I would throw a hissy fit at the entire household because they were not doing anything to help me.

A sea of blank (slightly bewildered) faces would stare back at me, completely unaware of the pressure I was putting on myself to get everything done and buy myself some time. They just put it down to mum losing the plot…..again!

Hindsight is a wonderful tool and  I use it often.

I know looking back that if I had’ve sat the family down on the Monday, let them know I had a walk coming up on the Saturday and I needed their help, they would’ve pitched in. Maybe a little begrudgingly and not to my standard but it would’ve been done.

I am proud to say I have become much better at this over the last few years.

As I sit here today with an abundance of time I’m learning again how I like to spend my share.

Time that isn’t marked out in the diary, scheduled weeks ahead and to meet an obligation. Instead it’s time that flows at a varied pace depending on the task I choose to fill it with. Reconciling the bank account makes time move so much slower than lunch with the girls.

I walk for longer with the dog, sit in the sun to read without guilt, book spontaneous outings with friends and try new things. I’ve re-familiarised myself with the art of afternoon napping and how to choose a movie I like.

I also find myself just sitting. I tune out and when I refocus 10 minutes has passed. Before I would’ve worried I had had an absent seizure if I lost 10 minutes, now I just accept my mind needed a break.

I’m off now to make a cup of tea and have a read, which really means the tea will go cold and I will be napping after 2 pages. I will make sure the dog is near by to be blamed for any snoring.

Lisa xx

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