Embracing the whiteboard – part 3 – (“The bedroom edition” )

Hi there, I hope you’re well.

Have you been embracing the whiteboard?

Did you “drop” anyone from your team?  Have you used the “votes system” to get the team performing?

Keep using the language of football and encouraging your family with statements like pulling your weight, contributing to the team and work ethic. These words are good reminders that we all have a role to play.

This week is a special edition of embracing the whiteboard and one of my personal favourites.

We will be using the language of football to assist you and your partner in the bedroom!

I know this sounds amazing, but it really works. By implementing a few simple steps, you can use the language of the great game (that may sometimes annoy you) to your benefit.

Over the years I have heard many, many coach’s addresses to their team. I started to notice that there are a number of sayings, clichés and terms, that coaches use. When I began to document and research for this program, I realised that these terms could be applied in other situations.

There are so many double meanings and if you’re willing to be a bit silly and let your dirty mind take control for a while, it can also be quite amusing.

To the untrained eye it may appear that the team is just running around with no real direction or strategy, and on some days, it may feel like this to the coach too!

But what many people don’t realise is that there a number of “set plays” that the team must learn in order to move the ball effectively around the ground. This is often referred to as the game plan.

In this, the third session of “Embracing the Whiteboard”, I will show you how to harness the power of the “football cliché” and the “set play” to spice things up in the bedroom.

I will show you how by carefully choosing the words you use and the way you say them, your “special adult time” will become next level!

For this session, I suggest getting yourself a small whiteboard.

How to use it will be shown in the short instructional video at the end.

 You’re here, let’s get started.

Part 3a-  Football words and terms for bedroom fun!

You may have heard the use of terms in the media or when listening to a coach’s address, and not been sure what they mean. It really doesn’t matter what they mean, we are not using them for their real meaning anyway, what matters is that you can use these words to give your partner some very specific instructions that will be understood with crystal clarity.

There are many words that coaches and the football community have to describe activities that happen on the field. This session I will be listing a number of these words and terms below, but instead of telling you what they mean, I will demonstrate how I would use them.

Watch the short video at the end.

Trust me though, you will get a fair idea of just how erotic the language of football can be if you approach it with a dirty mind.

Football words that can be used in the bedroom-

composure                skills               efficiency                   rotations/rotate

“midfield tap zones”            consistency            “dead pocket”               “advantage area”

ball skills/handling             “push up to the play”                       “up the corridor”

“front and centre”                       “get involved”                     “be accountable”

“cover the exits”       “defend the ball carrier”                 “stay low in wet conditions”

“two hands to the contest”

Read them again, say them in your best sexy voice.

Yes, that’s right, footy is a sexual game.

Part 3a-  Organise some set plays

A coach will have a number of set plays that they will want their players to learn.  The “set play” is a series of movements the team will make when instructed. It is most often seen as players, organising themselves at the kick in and around the centre square when the ball is to be bounced.  There may also be set directions of play that the team needs to follow when moving the ball from one end of the ground to the other. Coaches often have code words for their set plays.

How handy would this be if you and your partner had some “set plays” and “code words” of your own?

At home, this might look like-

Kids are all occupied, one’s asleep, one’s at a friend’s house and one is playing video games with noise reducing head phones on (add or reduce scenarios depending on your number of children).

You catch your partners eye over the piles of washing needing to be folded, you take a few tentative steps towards them, only standing on 3 small pieces of Lego, and you whisper in their ear,

“you have been rotated off the bench (get your arse off that couch), get onto the ground (the bed), you have 5 mins to move up the corridor, staying front and centre, no playing behind the packs! I want you using both hands. Show me your skills and be efficient. I want results!” 

As you train and use the language more you may even have it down to a code word!  

Depending on the ages and genders of your children, your code word could be Frozen or Cars!  It gives you and your partner the opportunity to know what’s about to happen without anyone else knowing. If you ever get the chance that is!! 

Good luck and keep using the language of football as the offseason approaches. Keep practicing and using that whiteboard.

Please watch the short instructional video to see how to implement the strategies we have learnt about today.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Embracing the whiteboard – life lessons of an experienced football wife.

I believe that all experiences in life are to teach us something or they are preparing us for something great. Maybe it’s our life’s purpose or helping us find our true passion. Whatever the reason I have decided to act on it.

I have made the decision to use my vast knowledge of football to help other women. I have written a four step program (4 quarters) called “Embracing the whiteboard”, to help women, like my past self,  who may be struggling with the all-consuming game.

A bit of background for those who are not familiar with my story-

I started studying the art of football about 26 years ago.  I studied closely and followed the game religiously, I may also have been following a certain young man but that’s beside the point. What I was to come to realise was that being a footballer wasn’t just the weekend hobby I thought it was.

It was all consuming. The training, the game day routine, the superstitions and like a part of society I had never experienced before, a sub culture, it had it’s own language.

Through my program, “Embracing the whiteboard”, I will show you how to incorporate the terms and strategies used by coaches and players, to transform your home life and have your family playing like a premiership team in no time.

I understand the power of language and trust me the language of football is a powerful one. I have spent years researching and living it, so, I know. These words can get a sane man to run out onto a field in the middle of winter, to chase a ball and get it through some sticks, while wearing shorts and a tank top, and being pummelled by other men.

Powerful stuff.

Now you too can harness the power of this language and make it work for you. This program is like de-coding an ancient language and finally understanding the meaning of life.

You will also learn how to use your voice as a powerful tool. By just dropping an octave or two you can illicit a response from your team that you never thought possible.

During the program “Embracing the Whiteboard”, we will look at –

  • Incorporating the whiteboard into daily life
  • Assigning the chores and actually have them get done
  • Making family time a priority
  • Letting your children compete for your love and receive votes
  • Marketing and branding your “Team” for buy in

And my personal favourite –

  • How to incorporate “footy speak” into the bedroom (absolute game changer)

This program will change your life, and if it doesn’t it will give you a laugh and you will have some new words in your vocabulary.

Each session will be accompanied by a short instructional video that will put all we have learnt into practice and give you a format from which to learn the language.

There is no time like the present, you are here now, so let’s get started.

Part 1- Incorporating the whiteboard into daily life 

The whiteboard is an integral part of this program. If you don’t already have one at home you will be making a purchase soon.  If you’ve ever seen a football coach heading out onto the field to address his players he is most likely carrying a whiteboard.  It is covered with lots of little magnets, they have the players names on them.

It’s very important, as the players look to the whiteboard for guidance. They look to the whiteboard to know what is expected of them, where they should be and what they should be doing.

About 8 years ago I developed the whiteboard system at home. I’m here today to share my tips to make the whiteboard the source of truth in your home. You will need –

A white large whiteboard, whiteboard markers and a ruler.

You will rule the whiteboard up giving each family member a column, a column for dates and a column for notes.

Now for the most important part, the language of the whiteboard. You need to know the terms but you also need to understand their meaning and how to use them correctly. Below is a list of terms that you will be using and their meaning-

  • Positions – this tells all team members where they need to be and when. Knowing your position and that of your team mates allows you to offer support and be supported.

At home this look like – Morgan – deb practice – Wednesday night 7pm. The team can then organise who will need to be there to support Morgan by getting her to practice.

  • 1%’s (one percenters) – the small tasks that may not get a lot of recognition but need to be done for the team to win.

At home the 1%’s might be cleaning, putting the bins out or feeding the dog. No glory attached to them but they are essential.

  • Weekly Focus- having a weekly focus lets the team know what takes priority that week. It helps the team prioritise and lets them know why other things may have to be overlooked to meet the focus.

At home it helps have a conversation, “Sorry Paige but you can’t go to that party this Saturday, look at our focus for the week. It’s Morgan’s Deb. The team’s focus takes priority so try again next week.” 

  • K.P.I.’s (Key Performance Indicators) – these are the measures that let the team know what they are working towards in their game plan. These are usually measured quarter by quarter in a game. It shows teams where they may need to apply more pressure or applied focus. eg -tackle count – shows how much pressure they have applied to the opposition.

At home I prefer to measure the KPI’s weekly. I often set them around cleaning chores. One of my favourite KPI’s is toilet cleanliness. If I see a skid mark in any toilet then I know we are not applying enough pressure to the toilet with a brush or toilet cleaner, and it’s an area for improvement.

Please watch this short instructional video to see the Whiteboard Address in action.

**Don’t forget to practice and join us in 2 weeks to learn how to use this empowering language to get your children to compete for your affection, by introducing a votes system. Revolutionary!**

 

 

 

I became a new mum, but I didn’t have a baby…

Last weekend I became a new mum.

But I didn’t have a baby!

My youngest daughter, and last child still living at home, left to head overseas for 7 months to perform on cruise ships.

I am so proud and so excited for her, but it hit me hard. Harder than I was expecting.

Yep, my nest is now empty, but it was for half the week anyway. It wasn’t like she was home every night and she was always busy, so I’m used to her not being physically here.

But she was always coming home at some point. Or calling to ask something, or calling to check on me and find our where I was (yes the tables do turn!).

What has hit me is that I am a new mum.

I am not the same mum I was this time last week.

I am now a mum who has raised her kids and they have left home.

Now I feel like someone who is a mother, but not a day to day mum.

I am fully aware that raising strong, independent and courageous women was always the end goal, but that doesn’t mean I am ready.

I feel more unsure of myself right now than I did the day I brought by first baby home from hospital.

I remember placing the capsule in the nursery,  looking at Scott and saying “What now?”  This is exactly how I felt on Sunday.

I held it together at the airport but when I got home to my quieter, cleaner and emptier house, I looked at the same man, 22 years later and whispered through my tears,

“What happens now?”

I feel empty. And yet my life is full.

I feel unsure of my identity. And yet, I have a life where I am Lisa, not Mum.

I feel this ache in my soul for every minute I didn’t appreciate or the minutes I thought I would have more of.

I keep wondering if I did enough. Have I sent them off with enough life skills, memories and advice?

It’s not a logical process, it’s a gut wrenching physical one. I have loved being a mum and I have been bloody good at it.

I have put a lot of thought into who and how I would be when the time came for my nest to empty out, but it didn’t prepare me for the actual event.

I won’t come home and see 16 cups, 10 plates and 9 forks on the sink (not in the dishwasher) and many bodies on the lounges.

I won’t hear arguments and singing from the bathroom, which has taken on a golden glow from the fake tan and bronzing powder.

I will no longer be called on to fetch more toilet paper, settle a dispute over clothing ownership or help with life’s big issues, like wedges or stilettos.

My washing basket will no longer be overflowing, my house will stay cleaner and I will not have to fight for the remote as much.

We will also be able to holiday on the Amalfi Coast in Italy each year with the money we are saving on sanitary products.

It’s actually sounding OK……

I did calm down (much to Scott’s relief) after an hour and a half of really ugly crying. Like U.G.L.Y.! I tried to eat an omelette to distract myself and nearly vomited. You get the picture.

Poor Scott, he probably wanted to have a quiet moment, maybe a tear and reflect on how his life would now be different (in reality, he probably just wanted to get back to his football reporting), but he was really supportive.

He walked at a steady pace around me, not making eye contact, like you would walk around a wild animal when you’re not sure if it’s going to strike. He empty bins, cleaned things and did really random chores.

When my crying had calmed to that hiccup breathing, with moderate sniffing, he approached cautiously.

“Why don’t you do some writing, do something for your blog?” Bless, he was trying to offer a distraction, trying to be positive. Did it work? You be the judge……

“I can’t write my fucking blog because I don’t have a fucking computer. That’s right everyone else has one but Paige just left, Morgan doesn’t live here anymore and you use yours all the time. So, yeah, thanks for that!”

Insert more crying here.

The following sentence proves what an amazing man my husband is and how much he has learnt by living with 3 women for many years,

“Let’s go and buy you a computer”.

The poor bastard would’ve bought a new car, moved house and I think I could’ve milked it for a new puppy.

He was desperate. There was a crazy lady in the kitchen and he wasn’t convinced she was leaving any time soon.

Soooooooo, I’m writing this on my new computer. I may have been distraught but I am not stupid!

Life is getting back into routine. I love FaceTime and I can see that my baby is doing well.

I also have my oldest daughter living about 20 mins away, so I will now put a lot of pressure on her to see me more. I will bribe her with brunch and shopping. I will cry if needed.

I say thank you to the beautiful people in my life who saw through my bullshit façade and knew I would be a wreck. Your support, messages and advice have been invaluable.

To the man who helped fill my nest (sounds weird but I’m going with it) and now gets to share it with me while it’s empty, I thank you. You are my rock and I know the group message we have added you into is confusing and foreign, but you persevere. We will even let you use the thumbs up emoji.

I’m getting used to having more free time. In fact,  I’ve got to go now.

I have Pilates, then I’m getting a mani-pedi,

I had to fit it in today because the life drawing class I’ve signed up for was overlapping with the interpretive dance group I’ve joined. I’m just trying to figure out when I can fit in “Drumming and chanting for sexual growth”.

Oh and of course the house is now empty so Scott and I are nude all the time!

Lisa XX

 

Our baby as she left to take on the world. XX

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Hello. Is it me you’re looking for?

This eternal question, asked by Lionel Richie, perfectly sums me up right now.

The thing that makes this question a hard one, is that I’m not asking someone else, I’m asking me.

Who am I looking for?

Which me, is more me, than the others?

I am merely a woman of a certain age trying to re-define herself now that the role of mother, which she was really good at, is evolving into the role of life coach or mentor.

I’ve got to admit that in this role, I feel as I did when I was a young 24 year old, mothering 2 toddlers….slightly fraudulent.

How on earth am I giving advice and bestowing my wisdom, when I haven’t got my shit sorted yet?

I haven’t figured out what it is I want to be when I grow up yet. I’ve had 3 careers so far and I can’t rule out a few more to come.

So much time and thought went in to keeping myself busy, learning new skills, connecting with friends and preparing for the nest emptying, that I didn’t think about who I would become when I had the chance to be anything I wanted.

So I find myself sitting here pondering how to transition into the next version of me.

The me who has spare time, is not as essential in the day to day of the lives of others and someone who is not sure that she is really happy about it, yet.

In my minds eye I still picture me as that young woman with a spring in her step and the world laid out before her.

Images switch from me in a long maxi skirt with flowing hair (my hair has never grown past my shoulders), to me in a business suit walking down the street with a leather briefcase, or now it would be a large Mimco satchel I suppose. Then I am in my active wear running and looking like I enjoy it (definitely a day dream).

I picture me as a young woman in a new relationship, getting engaged and then marrying the man of her dreams. Seeing her grow in her role as wife and mother.

I then see the mother I loved being, with 2 freshly bathed girls cuddled in her lap for a story or a mother laughing with her 2 teenage daughters and sharing stories about their day.

I am all of these women.

I have loved being all of these women.

I continue to be these women and I welcome the ones that will emerge.

They have all played a part in me being the woman I am today and the one I will be tomorrow.

I know change is an organic process and the changes will come as I figure out where this new life  is taking me.

I am learning to re-navigate my relationships with my girls and with my husband.

There are new boundaries developing with my girls as they get older and build their own lives, I need to respect them. I am learning to limit my questions regarding all things menstrual and sexual. I have to trust in the bond we share and know that they will come to me if they need me.

My husband and I are learning to be alone again. This too takes practice and a need to consciously make more effort. There are no longer 2 other people there to fill silences or to distract from conversations you might be avoiding.

I also need to insist more that my boundaries are respected in return. I will not feel guilty about not being available to everyone at all times. I have earned my extra hours a week to spend on things that bring me joy.

This next phase and the process I am going through, both excites and terrifies me in equal measure.

Lisa (all 17 versions) XX

 

 

 

 

International Women’s Day

Today I take a moment to celebrate all of the amazing women in my life.

I am lucky to have been raised by one, am honored to be raising two and I am surrounded by so many.

These women have filled my life with the moments that have made me cry, made me laugh until I leaked a little, and have made me proud to be a member of the sisterhood.

I am inspired daily with what women go though, rise above and do for others, often supressing their own needs to offer support to someone else.

I have witnessed silent acts of kindness. Those little notes, a meal cooked or that smile with a knowing nod, that lets you know you’re not alone.

The women in my life have supported me through;

  • my childhood
  • bad spiral perms and blue eyeliner
  • broken hearts
  • fluro clothing
  • sex, vagina, boob situations!
  • new jobs
  • engagement, marriage, childbirth
  • meltdowns (many  meltdowns)
  • career, sporting, life achievments
  • parenting – babies, toddlers and adults
  • my ever evolving marriage
  • turning 30 and 40
  • re-learning me as my nest empties

And everything else life has thrown at me. They’ve laughed, cried and danced with a hairbrush in the mirror with me.

I say today and everyday, thankyou.

Be a women that knows how hard it is to look as if you’ve got your shit together and congratulate those who manage to do it on any give day.

Be a women who supports other women.

Be a women who raises supportive women.

Lisa X

 

 

 

Make it all count

Donna Penny has written a book called “Why my mummy?” to explain to her son Kai about her terminal cancer. There was no resource available in bookshops.

I implore you to google her, read her story, let yourself feel and then donate to the crowd fund that has been set up to have this book printed.

I am in awe of people who are able to channel their energy and limited time into something that will not only benefit their children or family, but leave a lasting resource to help many others.

Donna, your story made me smile, bawl like a baby and encouraged me to to live more, make more memories and shout about how much I love those closest to me from the rooftops. I thank you of the important reminder.

It got me thinking. What advice, message or wisdom would I want to share with my girls?

I’m so blessed to have seen them grow into amazing young women. Strong, determined, funny, genetically mystifyingly gorgeous, kind, empathetic, stubborn, hardworking and smart young women.

To say I’m proud is an understatement.

I also probably pass on way too much information for their liking as it is but, there’s more.

Your happiness is your responsibility. Don’t let anyone else control it. Others can share or add to it but you get the final say.

Your body is the vehicle that will get you to all the places you need to go in life. Take care of it, fuel it, respect it and make sure others do too.

Dance, sing and be silly. Laugh until you cry and your stomach hurts. It feels so good to let go.

You only get one vagina so take care of it. If you are ignoring it, so should everyone else!

Be a good friend. Keeps someone’s secret and trust someone enough to tell them yours.

Spend money on good bras and undies. Trust me as gravity takes it’s toll you’ll be glad you did!

If you choose to get married, marry someone who makes you laugh and challenges you mentally. Oh, you should really, really love them and tell them everyday.

If you choose to have children, give yourself to the experience and never regret a moment. You get one chance to raise your babies, kiss their toes, smell their hair and fall asleep with them.

Learn to cook at least one great meal. More importantly make your house a place that is welcoming and full of laughter. If you can’t cook serve lots of wine so no one notices.

Learn to budget.

The rule to dressing is boobs or legs. Choose one to expose, but never both.

Over the years I have given much advice, in many forms. Dance, song poetry and not to scale diagrams. But I know that it would never be enough. I would be angry, I would feel cheated and I would be so sad at the thought of not seeing my children become their adult selves.

To wonder have I done enough, did I make enough memories, did my kids know who I was?

For the women who have faced this battle with such grace, dignity and class, I am in awe of you and I will honour your memory by remembering you and the example you have set.

I will be forever grateful and I will keep you in my heart and thoughts. You have inspired me to be more present and to live in the moments I am creating with my family.

Please donate to Donna Penny’s crowd fund, or find a women’s charity that strikes a chord with you. Donate your time at your children’s school or volunteer at a local hospital.

Be more present and be grateful for every moment we are privileged to experience.

Lisa X

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The value of not being busy.

I was lucky enough last week to travel overseas with my husband while he worked.

My daily routine played out like that of a biggest loser contestant.

I woke, ate breakfast, worked out, showered, rested, ate, swam, had a nap then let the afternoon stretch out to dinner.

Of course the contestants on the show probably don’t pepper their day with G&T’s or restaurant food, but you get the idea.

My routine was deliciously devoid of responsibility, thinking about others and being haunted from day break by that question……”What’s for dinner?”

I don’t know about you but that question has me close to losing mind every time it’s asked. How the hell do I know? It’s 7am, eat your frigging toast and be quiet. OK…. and breathe.

I must admit that it took me the first 2 days to lose the guilt.

The guilt of the busy.

The guilt of not filling every moment of the day doing things predominately for other people.

The guilt of associating relaxing and re-energising with being lazy.

Reminding myself that it was ok to sit and breath. Letting the thoughts just pass on by and not having to focus on one in particular.

To blink and realise that you just spent 10 minutes staring at a flower and you have no recollection of the time or thoughts that passed through your mind.

Have you ever had to ask yourself the question, “What do I like to do?”

It was equal parts liberating and terrifying. I caught myself narrating my actions and  judging myself on the usefulness and productivity level of what I was choosing to do.

The key to me relaxing I have discovered is to shut sown the negative mental voice. That voice that judges, makes you doubt and tells you that what you’re doing isn’t good enough.

Take that voice and tell it to shut the f*&k up!

Once that voice was drowned out with positive affirmations, mediation chants and gratitude my holiday improved dramatically.

By positive affirmations I mean-

“Yes Lisa have that beer while you sit near the pool. It’s really hot and you will sweat it out anyway.”

“You deserve another massage”.

“You will never see these people again so don’t worry about the strays on your bikini line.”

My mediation chant ran along the lines of-

“I am a calm and spiritual being. I am relaxed and content.”

This chant was closely followed by,

“A mango daiquiri is 80% fruit, fruit is good for you, you are healthy.”

Gratitude became easier as I sat near the pool, sipping my beverage of choice-

“I am grateful that those noisy kids are not mine.”

“I am grateful for the time I have alone to order my thoughts, breath deeply and reflect.”

“I am grateful for the secret lining in my bathers that keeps all my lady business in position and looking sleek.”

By about 3pm in the afternoon a gorgeous man would join me at the pool and buy me a drink. He was lovely. We would talk, laugh and share details of our day. He asked me every night to have dinner with him. I accepted of course.

How lucky was I? Time to ponder life, a daily workout and the attention of a gorgeous man. Life is good.

 

I am back at work now, back to reality but my holiday has done me wonders. I am more aware of where I am spending my energy. Choices will be made that won’t make everyone happy but they will be right for me.

The negative internal dialogue is still being shut down and over ridden with kind, positive and encouraging thoughts.

The one thing that still manages to make me flip my shit is the dinner question at breakfast! But I’m working on it.

Lisa X