My first bird is leaving the nest

I was reading back through my journal that I have been keeping since I had my children and it is entries like the one below that make me glad I have written consistently over the years.

Today has been a day for reflection.

My first born is moving out. I know as parents we joke about this day and the party we will have when it happens but in reality that’s not quite how it has felt today.

I am beyond proud and excited for her and I know she will be more than ok, but she will be more than ok without me.

I find in our busy lives we have little time for reflection.  With my journal I can reflect at any time and have a fantastic reference book of my own life’s experiences.

I look forward to being able to share these stories with my girls and then with their children. I know I would’ve loved a book filled with stories about me as I was growing up.

I fear that had I not kept this journal my memory would not have served me as well as I would have liked.  This is highlighted for me each week when I forget half of what I need at the supermarket.

09.11.2000

Today Morgan lost her first tooth.

It has been loose for about a week and I can’t believe it lasted as long as it did. 

The tooth fairy has just taken it from the fairy box she had placed it in and replaced it with two dollars. 

Two dollars seems so trivial an amount to place in the box for her tooth.

How can you put a price on the love and growing up and joy we have given and received from her since that tooth first came at the age of 3 months.

The sleepless nights as it formed in her gums, the red cheeks and constant drooling as it decided when to appear and the gorgeous grin with the dot of white when it finally came through.

How has one small piece enamel really made me think about my time mothering and about how fast this precious time is going?

It has been such a big month for Morgan (Not to mention the emotional turmoil for me).

She is into the 3rd week of her orientation program for primary school and she absolutely loves it.  Just to see my first-born going off to school like a little girl ready to face the world makes me want to wrap her in cotton wool like her tooth and put her away for safe keeping.

She is a full head taller than the other kids and she is just so smart that I am proud and sad at the same time.

I am so proud of how she handles situations and how she reacts with the other kids.  I wonder some days if I was that sure of myself at that age, then I remember how painfully shy I was and I am glad of her confidence.

 I try to be supportive of her and yet I just want to protect her forever from the world and anyone who would dare do the wrong thing by her.  If she is at all as worried as me about going she hides it well. 

She is excited by all she is learning as she should be, yet she asked me why the other kids didn’t all talk to her.  I asked her had she made the effort to talk to them and she just looked at me and said no but they should talk to me.

Paige is really going to miss her big sister when she is at school and I think Morgan will miss her too.  She feels so grown up being able to tell Paige all about school. 

I am looking forward though to having some one on one time with Paige and giving her a chance to develop her own personality with out her big sister monitoring her every move.  She is so funny at the moment and we are having some interesting outfit choices as she wants to dress herself more often.

Nana is convinced she has no nice clothes and that everything in her wardrobe is mismatched, but that is just the way she likes it.  She told her kinder teacher she likes to dress like the rainbow.  Who wouldn’t?

I never for one minute thought that being a mother could fill me with so many conflicting emotions, I am so joyously proud and in love with my girls but, like a mother in the jungle should any predator try to get near my young and hurt them, I will tear them limb from limb.

Everything I wrote in 2000 still resonates with me today.

Do yourself a massive favor and keep a journal or just note things down over the years. You will never regret having these memories to look back on.

Go and take on the world my gorgeous girl.

Lisa XX

 

Time poor, experience rich.

This morning as I lay in bed going through the day in my mind, my thoughts wandered ahead to the coming few days.

My stomach was instantly filled with a piece of lead and my breathing became more shallow. I could feel myself become just a little anxious.

I have a busy weekend ahead. I know that, for goodness sake, I booked everything in.

I made a conscious choice to book myself out from 8am Saturday morning until about 4pm on Sunday. I will of course sleep on Saturday night, however briefly that may be.

But when I think about all I need to accomplish in two short days (the days of rest!!) I freak out ever so slightly.

I’m not doing anything bad, or seeing people I don’t want to give my time to, and yet I seem to be talking myself out of enjoying the things I do have planned.

My worry about fitting it all in, is actually zapping my ability to look forward to the experiences I have planned.

Tomorrow I am holding a fundraising BBQ at a local shopping centre to raise funds for Oxfam. I am taking part in the Oxfam 100km challenge in April and my team needs to raise $1500.

I love meeting people, I have generous friends and family who have offered their time to help out and the weather looks like it will behave for the day.

There is nothing about this day that looks like it will be something to dread and yet that is how I was feeling. I do need to be there at 8am and stay until about 4pm, so all day, but it’s one day!

One day out of my life, getting to hang out with my friends, meet new people and raise some money for a good cause. I choose, as of right now, to change my outlook and look forward to tomorrow.

No longer will I focus on a day gone out of my weekend, I will focus on the experiences and interactions I will gain by interacting with the community.

Saturday night catching up with friends (once I have washed the stench of sausage from my skin!) Friends I adore and love spending time with.

Want to know what we are doing?

We are planning our accommodation for our trip to Hawaii later in the year. Poor me. Having to plan for a trip to paradise.

Again, I had let the focus stay on more hours of my time being full,instead of focussing on what was filling the hours.

I know, from past experience, that I will arrive home with a face sore from laughing, a belly full of great food (maybe a wine or 4) and some amazing locations ready to be visited.

What a great night. My own thought process was putting this night at risk. I had nearly talked myself out of enjoying the experience. I pledge from this moment forward to change my outlook. I will cherish the time with good friends, planning a trip we have been talking about for 12 months. I will acknowledge how lucky I am to have these opportunities.

Insert brief sleep and coffee here.

Sunday morning 7am. Drive at chosen destination, ready to walk 30-35kms for Oxfam training. This will take approx. 7 hours.

I signed up for this event (this is the fourth time), there are no surprises here. It’s long hours of training. Training on hills, on flats and in ridiculous heat.

I have made a conscious decision as of right now to focus on why I love this event instead of dreading the training onSunday.

I love the physical strength I gain from the training. I love laughing with three amazing ladies as we walk through the pain barrier.

We cover all topics from penises to politics (would’ve been great team name) and we support eachother through any life issues we may be having at the time.

I’m proud of showing my girls the example of setting a goal and working hard to achieve it.

I’m now ready to face my busy, but rewarding weekend, full of things I have planned and filled with people I love.

I tackle this weekend with an attirude of gratitude and  be thankful for everyone and everything I ahve in my life.

I will plan some down time for next weekend and a few early nights this coming week.

 

Enjoy all you have planned for the coming weekend.

Lisa X