Hi there, I hope you’re well.
Have you been embracing the whiteboard?
Did you “drop” anyone from your team? Have you used the “votes system” to get the team performing?
Keep using the language of football and encouraging your family with statements like pulling your weight, contributing to the team and work ethic. These words are good reminders that we all have a role to play.
This week is a special edition of embracing the whiteboard and one of my personal favourites.
We will be using the language of football to assist you and your partner in the bedroom!
I know this sounds amazing, but it really works. By implementing a few simple steps, you can use the language of the great game (that may sometimes annoy you) to your benefit.
Over the years I have heard many, many coach’s addresses to their team. I started to notice that there are a number of sayings, clichés and terms, that coaches use. When I began to document and research for this program, I realised that these terms could be applied in other situations.
There are so many double meanings and if you’re willing to be a bit silly and let your dirty mind take control for a while, it can also be quite amusing.
To the untrained eye it may appear that the team is just running around with no real direction or strategy, and on some days, it may feel like this to the coach too!
But what many people don’t realise is that there a number of “set plays” that the team must learn in order to move the ball effectively around the ground. This is often referred to as the game plan.
In this, the third session of “Embracing the Whiteboard”, I will show you how to harness the power of the “football cliché” and the “set play” to spice things up in the bedroom.
I will show you how by carefully choosing the words you use and the way you say them, your “special adult time” will become next level!
For this session, I suggest getting yourself a small whiteboard.
How to use it will be shown in the short instructional video at the end.
You’re here, let’s get started.
Part 3a- Football words and terms for bedroom fun!
You may have heard the use of terms in the media or when listening to a coach’s address, and not been sure what they mean. It really doesn’t matter what they mean, we are not using them for their real meaning anyway, what matters is that you can use these words to give your partner some very specific instructions that will be understood with crystal clarity.
There are many words that coaches and the football community have to describe activities that happen on the field. This session I will be listing a number of these words and terms below, but instead of telling you what they mean, I will demonstrate how I would use them.
Watch the short video at the end.
Trust me though, you will get a fair idea of just how erotic the language of football can be if you approach it with a dirty mind.
Football words that can be used in the bedroom-
composure skills efficiency rotations/rotate
“midfield tap zones” consistency “dead pocket” “advantage area”
ball skills/handling “push up to the play” “up the corridor”
“front and centre” “get involved” “be accountable”
“cover the exits” “defend the ball carrier” “stay low in wet conditions”
“two hands to the contest”
Read them again, say them in your best sexy voice.
Yes, that’s right, footy is a sexual game.
Part 3a- Organise some set plays
A coach will have a number of set plays that they will want their players to learn. The “set play” is a series of movements the team will make when instructed. It is most often seen as players, organising themselves at the kick in and around the centre square when the ball is to be bounced. There may also be set directions of play that the team needs to follow when moving the ball from one end of the ground to the other. Coaches often have code words for their set plays.
How handy would this be if you and your partner had some “set plays” and “code words” of your own?
At home, this might look like-
Kids are all occupied, one’s asleep, one’s at a friend’s house and one is playing video games with noise reducing head phones on (add or reduce scenarios depending on your number of children).
You catch your partners eye over the piles of washing needing to be folded, you take a few tentative steps towards them, only standing on 3 small pieces of Lego, and you whisper in their ear,
“you have been rotated off the bench (get your arse off that couch), get onto the ground (the bed), you have 5 mins to move up the corridor, staying front and centre, no playing behind the packs! I want you using both hands. Show me your skills and be efficient. I want results!”
As you train and use the language more you may even have it down to a code word!
Depending on the ages and genders of your children, your code word could be Frozen or Cars! It gives you and your partner the opportunity to know what’s about to happen without anyone else knowing. If you ever get the chance that is!!
Good luck and keep using the language of football as the offseason approaches. Keep practicing and using that whiteboard.
Please watch the short instructional video to see how to implement the strategies we have learnt about today.