I was reading back through my journal that I have been keeping since I had my children and it is entries like the one below that make me glad I have written consistently over the years.
Today has been a day for reflection.
My first born is moving out. I know as parents we joke about this day and the party we will have when it happens but in reality that’s not quite how it has felt today.
I am beyond proud and excited for her and I know she will be more than ok, but she will be more than ok without me.
I find in our busy lives we have little time for reflection. With my journal I can reflect at any time and have a fantastic reference book of my own life’s experiences.
I look forward to being able to share these stories with my girls and then with their children. I know I would’ve loved a book filled with stories about me as I was growing up.
I fear that had I not kept this journal my memory would not have served me as well as I would have liked. This is highlighted for me each week when I forget half of what I need at the supermarket.
Today Morgan lost her first tooth.
It has been loose for about a week and I can’t believe it lasted as long as it did.
The tooth fairy has just taken it from the fairy box she had placed it in and replaced it with two dollars.
Two dollars seems so trivial an amount to place in the box for her tooth.
How can you put a price on the love and growing up and joy we have given and received from her since that tooth first came at the age of 3 months.
The sleepless nights as it formed in her gums, the red cheeks and constant drooling as it decided when to appear and the gorgeous grin with the dot of white when it finally came through.
How has one small piece enamel really made me think about my time mothering and about how fast this precious time is going?
It has been such a big month for Morgan (Not to mention the emotional turmoil for me).
She is into the 3rd week of her orientation program for primary school and she absolutely loves it. Just to see my first-born going off to school like a little girl ready to face the world makes me want to wrap her in cotton wool like her tooth and put her away for safe keeping.
She is a full head taller than the other kids and she is just so smart that I am proud and sad at the same time.
I am so proud of how she handles situations and how she reacts with the other kids. I wonder some days if I was that sure of myself at that age, then I remember how painfully shy I was and I am glad of her confidence.
I try to be supportive of her and yet I just want to protect her forever from the world and anyone who would dare do the wrong thing by her. If she is at all as worried as me about going she hides it well.
She is excited by all she is learning as she should be, yet she asked me why the other kids didn’t all talk to her. I asked her had she made the effort to talk to them and she just looked at me and said no but they should talk to me.
Paige is really going to miss her big sister when she is at school and I think Morgan will miss her too. She feels so grown up being able to tell Paige all about school.
I am looking forward though to having some one on one time with Paige and giving her a chance to develop her own personality with out her big sister monitoring her every move. She is so funny at the moment and we are having some interesting outfit choices as she wants to dress herself more often.
Nana is convinced she has no nice clothes and that everything in her wardrobe is mismatched, but that is just the way she likes it. She told her kinder teacher she likes to dress like the rainbow. Who wouldn’t?
I never for one minute thought that being a mother could fill me with so many conflicting emotions, I am so joyously proud and in love with my girls but, like a mother in the jungle should any predator try to get near my young and hurt them, I will tear them limb from limb.
Everything I wrote in 2000 still resonates with me today.
Do yourself a massive favor and keep a journal or just note things down over the years. You will never regret having these memories to look back on.
Go and take on the world my gorgeous girl.