I was lucky enough last week to travel overseas with my husband while he worked.
My daily routine played out like that of a biggest loser contestant.
I woke, ate breakfast, worked out, showered, rested, ate, swam, had a nap then let the afternoon stretch out to dinner.
Of course the contestants on the show probably don’t pepper their day with G&T’s or restaurant food, but you get the idea.
My routine was deliciously devoid of responsibility, thinking about others and being haunted from day break by that question……”What’s for dinner?”
I don’t know about you but that question has me close to losing mind every time it’s asked. How the hell do I know? It’s 7am, eat your frigging toast and be quiet. OK…. and breathe.
I must admit that it took me the first 2 days to lose the guilt.
The guilt of the busy.
The guilt of not filling every moment of the day doing things predominately for other people.
The guilt of associating relaxing and re-energising with being lazy.
Reminding myself that it was ok to sit and breath. Letting the thoughts just pass on by and not having to focus on one in particular.
To blink and realise that you just spent 10 minutes staring at a flower and you have no recollection of the time or thoughts that passed through your mind.
Have you ever had to ask yourself the question, “What do I like to do?”
It was equal parts liberating and terrifying. I caught myself narrating my actions and judging myself on the usefulness and productivity level of what I was choosing to do.
The key to me relaxing I have discovered is to shut sown the negative mental voice. That voice that judges, makes you doubt and tells you that what you’re doing isn’t good enough.
Take that voice and tell it to shut the f*&k up!
Once that voice was drowned out with positive affirmations, mediation chants and gratitude my holiday improved dramatically.
By positive affirmations I mean-
“Yes Lisa have that beer while you sit near the pool. It’s really hot and you will sweat it out anyway.”
“You deserve another massage”.
“You will never see these people again so don’t worry about the strays on your bikini line.”
My mediation chant ran along the lines of-
“I am a calm and spiritual being. I am relaxed and content.”
This chant was closely followed by,
“A mango daiquiri is 80% fruit, fruit is good for you, you are healthy.”
Gratitude became easier as I sat near the pool, sipping my beverage of choice-
“I am grateful that those noisy kids are not mine.”
“I am grateful for the time I have alone to order my thoughts, breath deeply and reflect.”
“I am grateful for the secret lining in my bathers that keeps all my lady business in position and looking sleek.”
By about 3pm in the afternoon a gorgeous man would join me at the pool and buy me a drink. He was lovely. We would talk, laugh and share details of our day. He asked me every night to have dinner with him. I accepted of course.
How lucky was I? Time to ponder life, a daily workout and the attention of a gorgeous man. Life is good.
I am back at work now, back to reality but my holiday has done me wonders. I am more aware of where I am spending my energy. Choices will be made that won’t make everyone happy but they will be right for me.
The negative internal dialogue is still being shut down and over ridden with kind, positive and encouraging thoughts.
The one thing that still manages to make me flip my shit is the dinner question at breakfast! But I’m working on it.