I’m not the middle man

I  find myself becoming the “middle man” in other people’s issues. A situation has developed and I find myself conflicted. I see both sides, I agree with some of what each person says, I also disagree with a lot too. I have been very honest in my dealings with both parties, but it’s hard.

This type of scenario has  happened a lot in the past. I believe that patterns of behaviour continue to happen until we decide to change them. This current situation has arisen because it’s time for me to step away. I need to distance myself for my own protection but also for the growth and change of those involved.

I’m a solver and a fixer. I like to fix things, keep them neat,wrap them up and re-set the balance. Life is throwing me lots of challenges at the moment to encourage me to let people fix things for themselves.

As my kids get older I’m learning to back off and let them set the course of their own lives. Now I need to learn to do it in a wider sense with friends and other family.

If I had a cocktail for everytime someone told me that I’m such a good listener, or I give such great advice, well, I would be in a constant drunk state. You can tell it’s getting to me when I would take cocktails over the usual dollar.

I may be a calm voice, a level head, a shoulder to lean on or wise beyond my years, and I may genuinely care, but I don’t necessarily want to live it out your situation with you.

Please remember to discuss other topics when we meet up. I don’t actually spend 23 hours a day fixated on your issue and trying to come up with even more wisdom to pass on. I manage to put it out of my head, go about my day and not give it another thought until I speak to you next. I have a life too and it would be nice to have you ask about it a little more often.

This in no way takes away from how much I care or the fact that I want you to be ok. I wish you nothing but happiness and a solution that meets your needs, but enough is enough. I also want  you to be a fully functioning adult who takes responsibility for all they have achieved and any mistakes they made along the way.

I’m a well balanced, empathetic human who always tries to see both sides in life. We all know every story has 2 sides and I choose to see them both. I may not agree with them both, but I need them, to allow me to have clarity and gather all information.

I will not make decisions based purley on your say so, I’m a big girl who can decide for herself. I promise to be honest with you and offer an opinion that deals with the facts at hand. I probably won’t get as emotionally invested as you would like, this will be frustrating but if you don’t like it, don’t use me a sounding board.

Your ego shouldn’t get the deciding vote in issues. Ask it to step aside and ask your heart what it thinks. I promise to love you enough to call you on it and encourage you to have a re-think. Please don’t let your need to be right override your need to be fair.

Know that I am here for you always, I will support whatever decision you decide to make, I may not agree with it, and that’s ok.

It’s your life and the way you choose to live it is yours too.

I will walk beside you, I will stand behind you, I can even take the lead if you need it, but please stop putting me in the middle. I’m compromised and I can not be the best support to you when I’m here.

I trust you, I believe in you and I love you.

Lisa X

 

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