There are certain things I know and am expecting to happen to me as I age. I am doing my best to be ready and to help my body cope with these changes.
Sunscreen is a daily must do on the face, neck and back of hands. Just some of the places that can show your age. I try to stay out of the sun most of the time because of the aging effects to the skin and the fact I start to look like a giant freckle.
I’m expecting a few more aches and pains as I age, the need to slow things down a bit and try lower impact exercise. I’ve dabbled in yoga and love a good walk so I will be fine.
Grey hair come at me I’m ready. I’ve gone a few shades lighter over the past few years to help disguise the greys as they started to appear. They arrive slowly at first then suddenly you have a cluster. Sneaky things they are.
But Holy Hell, here’s what I was not ready for.
Grey pubes, an ageing vulva and loss of elasticity in my lips. Not the ones I talk from!
It’s amazing how one Gyno visit can have you ready to book your vag into some sort of aged care facility.
Let me set the scene; it’s one we all know well. Top half on, bottom half removed, on the bed under the blanket/sheet. Making small talk and acting like the term, feet together and just let the knees drop is a normal part of daily conversation.
In my uncomfortable state I developed a severe case of word vomit. Why do I always feel the need to fill the silence? This need resulted in the question,
“How’s it all looking? Good for my age?”
Yes I did. I asked that!
I didn’t want (or need) to know the truth but he was in the mood for a bit of honesty and was also probably sick of the same questions. So he gave me the answers I didn’t want but will never be able to block out of my memory bank.
Apparently my grey pubes are in line with and expected during the ageing process. I know most of you are focussed not on the fact that my downstairs hair is going grey but on the fact that I have hair down there. I am well aware (thanks to my daughters) that I am one of 7 people on the planet to still have pubes. That number is apparently being generous. I’m not ready for a full removal because I do believe hair serves a purpose but I don’t want the grey hair to make everything look older than it is.
I made noises that must have sounded like I was interested because he continued. I had asked after all. He then decided to point out the changes I would notice in the coming years.
My brain was screaming “make it stop”, but my mouth, as it often does, acted alone and said “Like what?”
Oh, just a little aging of the vulva skin. Yep, that’s right the skin at the entrance of the vagina will age and become thin and susceptible to irritation. Imagine a paper cut, in the webbing of your finger skin, now times this by a hundred and put it in your lady parts.
This is of course extreme and just how my mind works. There will be creams and hormones to help, oh good!
I googled this of course when I got in the car and stopped reading when I saw some stats that supported the finding that the clitoris in fact keeps its age well and should be ok as I get older. This was of course written in very scientific terms and I could’ve misinterpreted a little but it calmed me enough for my breathing to return to normal.
Now last, but certainly not least the lips. I do know that the vaginal lips are technically known as the labia but for today we are going with lips. I have some loss of elasticity to look forward to. I’m instantly imaging this to require me tucking my lady lips into some sort of support undergarment if I want to wear a skirt. No peace and pout for me. Can we not invent one of those plumping lip glosses that claim to give you fuller lips but for down there? Imagine that scene in the toilets of a club (a bowls club) as everyone is in the toilets touching up their lip gloss.
My imagination is fertile, more fertile than my ovaries will be, but let’s not even go there.