Wardrobe Malfunction

How would you handle a wardrobe malfunction at work?

It started as one of those mornings, when you haven’t done the washing in a week, the undies drawer looks a little pathetic, so you reach into the very back of the drawer to fish out the last pair of acceptable undies you own, knowing full well they are not acceptable but they will have to do.

As you pull them on, you hope that you are not in an accident or hit by a bus. Thanks Nanna for years of reminders that this could happen on a day when bad undies are worn.

You also decide to wear a skirt…

Meetings all morning, day progressing well, it’s your turn for the coffee run so you take off to the coffee shop. Undies feeling a bit loose but after an adjustment you’re back on track.

Arrive back at work, hands full of coffee and a bit of spontaneous shopping, then it happens.

The elastic in the band of your desperation undies gives way. You manage to catch them by slamming your thighs together. All the while still smiling and walking. Hands full can’t stop. You power walk, like a geisha in full ceremonial kimono, taking tiny, baby steps, trying to make this look normal and not arouse suspicion.

You make it to the toilets and look for something to secure the waist band to get you through the day. There is no hair tie, no cotton and thread; you’d even settle for a staple gun at this point, nothing. You go with your only option. Take them off, wrap them in toilet paper and bury them in the bin.

You are now going commando, in a skirt, in the workplace!

Making a run for your office you distribute coffee, not stopping to chat, stow away the spontaneous purchases (none of which are new undies) and sit wedged under your desk deciding what to do. Of course 10 people need to talk to you right now! No one has come in for the last hour but they all need something now.

Question – Can one go undieless all day at work, does it breach some sort of OHS policy? What are you thinking? Must get back to supermarket, must purchase underwear.

The thought of putting them on straight out of the packet would normally make you sweat and think about numerous internet posts reporting bugs climbing into crevices, but these are desperate times. The next challenge is to ensure that you exit the car like a lady and aim not to do a Sharon Stone.

Out of car no flash, purchase made, back to staff toilets, underwear on, back to office.

Heart rate returns to normal, crisis has been averted and for exactly 10 seconds you felt a little bit naughty and rebellious. Yes, spare pair now in glove box.

What would you have done?

Lisa xx

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