As I embark on a training regime to enable me to run a marathon I have noticed many changes in my body. My legs are toned and stronger, my arms and back are becoming leaner. I’ve lost a couple of kilos.
Sounds positive right?
Sure, if I didn’t have boobs. These rather voluptuous mounds on my chest were not designed to be carried at a quick pace for over 30 kms. They hurt and they move a hell of a lot.
I have spent a small fortune on the latest sports bras which offer more support than the day to day variety and have the added the bonus of turning 2 large breasts into 1 mono boob.
I have resorted to double bagging. Which sees me wearing 2 bras at the same time. I find this is needed at “that time”of the month when just walking seems to hurt. I now carry around bricks with nipples. Hormones and big boobs can inflict pain like bare feet and small lego pieces.
I have had my husband help me bind myself in non-stretch crepe bandage. Trust me there is nothing more mood setting than having your husband strap down one of his favourite things and make them flat. He looked like a child being punished but not really understanding what he’d done wrong.
Once I have strapped, contained and flattened the offending mounds to stop them moving, I hit the road.
I start to enjoy the sensation of running with only the beat of my feet and not the swinging of my breasts to set my pace to.
Suddenly I feel faint. Am I having a panic attack?
I see stars, it’s turning black.
Sitting down on the footpath I start to feel better. Then it dawns on me……….
My lung capacity has just been restricted to approximately half and I can’t take a full breath.
In my endeavour to be able to run pain and pendulum free, I have nearly caused myself to faint.
Research has been done, people have been questioned and I’ve just ordered the Rolls Royce of sports bras. It makes the claim that even people with an E cup could run with little or no movement.
Delivery of this wonder garment is expected any day soon.
I will let you know how it goes.