Empty nest, full heart…….

Over the past couple of months a strange occurrence has been happening on Friday and Saturday nights. This phenomenon is really puzzling me as it is something I used to dream about.

I dreamt about it when I was sleep deprived, covered in baby vomit and wanting to have a cup of tea while it was still hot. I dreamt of conversations that got finished and all the sex that would be had.

I built it up in my head to be a kind of utopia, where I always looked glamorous and was seen through a soft lens with great lighting. Oh, did I mention my boobs look amazing too? I may have been watching too much day time T.V.

What I dreamt of all those years ago was a time when my children would be grown and my husband and I would have a “life” again. Little did I know at the time that “life” was happening all around me and I would one day miss the very moments I was wishing away.

Over the past few months we seem to have hit a time in our parenting careers where the kids are not home as often. How are we to be parents with no one there to take on the role of child? We do have the four legged baby but I know it’s not the same.

Now don’t get me wrong here, I love that my kids are older and have their own lives. I enjoy the nights when we get take away, some wine and watch a movie that we like, with no arguing (unless it’s a rom com/action debate).

I love being able to head out for the night and not have to worry about picking up the kids and getting them home without waking them. But it’s been so sudden and quite frankly I don’t know if I’m ready!

I’ve spent so much time preparing my off spring to face the big wide world that I think I forgot to prepare myself. I still don’t feel mature enough to be the parent, let alone the parent of young adults who have lives independent of me. 

I didn’t put enough thought into what I like to do now. The 42 year old me is very different to the 22 year old me, and I’m disappointed to say that my boobs look nowhere near as good as I had imagined they would.

I am very thankful for the fact that I still have the same lovely man by my side as we navigate this new phase. We now have the wonderful opportunity to get to know each other again. Not just as co-parents but as the people we have become. I’m confident we will still like each other just as much if not more.

So on those quiet Saturday nights as we have another glass of wine and head to bed at 10.30pm, I will be grateful for the wonderful memories I have of raising my girls and I will be just a little bit sad that those times have passed.

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